


I had a sister

by orphan_account



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Gen, Mentions of Character Death, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, not really a relationship either but oh how she wishes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-07 19:42:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3180806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She had considered before, briefly, so very briefly, that maybe she wasn't to blame for what happened while fleeing Lothering. But, as she did with all things, she smothered those small hopeful feelings before piling guilt and sadness on top of them and sealing away said feelings along with the memories she had of her sister.</p><p>And with a few years worth of guilt and sorrow being smothered, it was inevitable that one day she would break. It was simply unfortunate that the day came while she was enjoying time off and having a very civil conversation with someone she possibly wanted to kiss. A little, maybe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I had a sister

**Author's Note:**

> So I beat the game in like a week because i obsessively play games sometimes and broke my heart in a million pieces when making my precious child blame herself for literally everything and well. If she blamed herself for one death in the family, you can be sure she did the same for another.
> 
> And this came about so I mean. Enjoy it or whatever.

"I had a sister, you know," Liselle announced one day, leaning against a wall in the clinic in a brief period of calm. After a year of knowing Anders- and trying to get him to see sense, she didn't care about the risks, she was so deeply infatuated with the man- she'd never gotten to tell him this, "She was Carver's twin. Looked just alike when they were young. Caused nothing bug trouble for mother and father. She- Well, she and I both, we took after father. Being apostates, you know."

There was a small hum in response, the one she'd come to associate with Anders trying to hide the interest in her past, and she smiled just a bit. "Oh, did you think I'd just learned how to control these dangerous powers on my own, hm? Even Varric wouldn't be able to give me a happy ending that way." 

"And here I thought Liselle Hawke was the greatest mage in the whole of Kirkwall and Fereldan, single handedly mastering magic," And oh, he had to go and make this difficult with the hint of flirtation, didn't he?

"Dreadfully sorry to have ruined your views of me, Anders," She paused to laugh, leaning her head against the wall to watch him carefully. It was intriguing to watch him here while he wasn't at work- he seemed at home, confident in a way. It was nice to have a moment to simply watch, if she were to admit it to herself. "As I was saying, before you distracted me you awful man, I had a sister and her name was Bethany. She and Carver were inseparable, it was. It was nice, you know, having both of them around. Carver hated me, I think he still does in a way after what happened in the deep roads, but Bethany adored me she'd hide herself away and sneak in on my lessons to watch."

"She and Carver, they were," The mage took a breath and crossed her arms tightly over her chest, still unused to the feeling of the furs on her sleeves brushing against her skin and focusing on that instead if the waves of grief threatening to overcome her. It was easier to focus on the strange scratchy-soft sensation than feelings she'd been burying for years, "They were kids. Got into endless trouble, she'd come up with a plan and they'd join forces to wreak havoc on unsuspecting animals or neighbors. She once set our lawn on fire in surprise after Carver dropped whatever makeshift weapon he'd made that week too close to her. I thought father would be furious, but he just laughed when the fire was put out and picked them both up- one over each shoulder, as if they were sacks of flour- and brought them inside."

She stopped then, suddenly aware that his gaze was turned on her, and took a breath. She hadn't given herself time to grieve and it was hitting her full force, worse than anything any of Athenril's jobs had done to her. It wasn't quite so hard to breathe as it had been in the thaig, when she thought she'd lose her brother too, but that was only because she'd had years to learn how to keep herself together. It was leaving her breathless, and not the pleasant way she was left breathless when looking at the man before her sometimes, it was painful and cold and she wasn't sure what to do with it. When she'd regained some lost composure, she looked at him quietly, waiting for the questions that were sure to come.

"You never speak of her. Did something happen that you've not mentioned to us?" He tilted his head slightly as he asked, looking for all the world like her dog had when he'd only been a pup and she was training him. It was strange, to be on the receiving end of the questions.

Taking another moment to compose her thoughts, Liselle sighed and shrugged. She was going numb, she realized slowly, going numb to the sensation of sadness over the loss. "She died, when we were fleeing Lothering. We were some of the last to go. Father was already lost and we thought if we stayed just a little longer we could help some of the refugees out of the city. Mother hated it and I think Carver would have liked to leave sooner but you know me, the type to save people before saving myself.

"We were surrounded by darkspawn, they were everywhere and they just. They kept coming, faster and faster, each horde larger than the last. And we ran into Aveline. Aveline and her husband. They were so ragged and we both needed each other's support. We had to help each other. So we did and we got to this clearing where we could breathe for a moment and then- And there was an ogre. A great big ugly thing and before anyone could stop her, Bethany she-" She stopped, breath catching painfully in her chest at the memory. She hadn't even told Varric the details yet, she'd meant to, of course, but with Carver gone and people constantly looking to her for protection well- she'd not had the chance. Telling Anders was like reopening a healing wound. Quickly, she lowered her head to keep her eyes hidden. He needn't see her cry for something that happened years in the past.

"She was charging the thing, trying to buy us time or distract it I think. And it picked her up like she was nothing but an annoyance and slammed her on the ground, over and over until she was this limp and lifeless thing in its hand and then it just. Threw her aside. Mother was at her side immediately, making sure to hide herself and Bethany behind it, and we. Well, we killed it. And mother blamed me- said I should have stopped her, tried harder, anything to save her precious little girl. Carver too, he looked at me like I'd taken her from him, like he'd wished it was me instead of her. I couldn't do anything but try to move on quickly, we were still in so much danger," Reliving the memory hurt, a physical ache in her chest coiling tighter and tighter around her heart until she found it hard to breathe. And she was so conscious of the weakness she was showing- wasn't that just so unlike her- in front of a man she wanted to look strong for. Oh what a horrible mistake it had been to bring this up, what a horrible idea. Her eyes felt wet, stinging with each blink while her eyelashes felt glued together with the dampness of tears she refused to let fall.

She hadn't cried when leaving Lothering, she wouldn't start now. Or, that was her intention. Until she felt a hand on her cheek, warm and gentle and a comfort she hadn't had in years. She leaned into it, silent except for the sound of her breathing, and he spoke to her quietly.

"You did all that you could, Liselle, you cannot save everyone," His voice was gentle, like he was calming a patient or a scared animal, and his thumb moved carefully across one of her cheeks. When she dared lift her eyes, she was met with such care and sadness that her breath caught and she had to force her gaze away from his eyes. "You saved you mother, brother and total strangers, you can't blame yourself for the actions of an ogre. "

"If I'd just been faster, Anders, I could have saved her too. Maybe they were both right, maybe it should have been me, maybe if I'd been just a little faster, just a little faster to stop her from moving, Bethany would still be here and Carver wouldn't be so far away- she'd have found some other way to save him, she wouldn't have even gone into the deep roads in the first place," And then she was crying, the guilt and sadness she'd been smothering for years finally coming to the surface. And wasn't that just her luck, to finally break down in the _clinic_ with the one person she'd hoped to never see her cry like this. "Bethany would never have let Carver go to the deep roads, she would have made sure Mother didn't have to go through losing two of her children, she wouldn't have resorted to smuggling to get into this horrible place. She was so much better than me, Anders, she should have made it."

And then she found herself in his arms, her head cradled protectively against his chest where she could hear the steady beat of his heart. She curled her fingers into the furs he wore and buried her face against the cloth and let herself cry while he rubbed small circles on her back. While unexpected, it was. Pleasant. Pleasant and warm and she wished it had happened while she wasn't overcome by such emotion because she couldn't enjoy the feeling of his hands on her back or the soft, whispered words at her ear and it was so unfair.

When she stopped crying, some minutes later-she had no clue how long it had been, only that it left her feeling lightheaded and her eyes were stinging- she pulled back slightly to look up at him. And if this were a romance novel, like the ones Bethany had read and tried to get Liselle to read, then he would have leaned down to kiss her. But it wasn't and Bethany wasn't there anymore. Instead, she closed her eyes and he gently brushed her hair from her eyes and pressed the lightest of kisses to her forehead.

"If you'd died instead, we would never have met. This entire... None of us would have met, and it would have made all of our lives so much... less than what they are. You are what brought all of us together, and you must never let yourself forget that," He said quietly, just over a whisper, with a smile playing at his lips. "You are much more than you think, sweetheart, you are much more important than you believe."

Then there was a cough coming from the doors to the clinic and he was backing away from her, smiling reassuringly- he'd be back if she needed him, he would be- and she was left trying to piece together what happened. When she couldn't, she decided she was better off half focusing on him dealing with his patients than dwelling in the past.

And, well, maybe it was time she let Varric in on that secret from her past, even if she was sure he'd already learned some of it from Carver- and if he had, well, she had plenty more stories from childhood to tell. After a moment, and a small, thankful smile, she slid out into Darktown and made her way upstairs and into The Hanged Man.

"Varric! I've got a piece of the story you were missing."


End file.
